I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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