Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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