When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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