You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just invented taco cereal.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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