Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
