He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
