I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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