Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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