Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
