Dual....:-)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
