Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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