I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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