If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
