He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
