So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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