I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
