I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
