remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
