also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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