between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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