Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
