You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
