The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
