There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
