I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
