His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
