I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
