I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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