just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
