i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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