Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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