I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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