so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
