Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
