You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
