are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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