I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
