If i come over, it means nothing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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