This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
