Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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