I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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