I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
