I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
