Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
