No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
