i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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