he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
