worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
