I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
