Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
