chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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