Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
